Apparently this story really happened 1000 years ago. First I don't think there's any chance that anything like this ever really happened, and second, I think Ancient Timey Times, happened many thousands of years ago. So the timing seems all wrong. And who the heck put the text there? It seems out of place, not really part of this move. Was it there originally or added for later versions? Anyway, this movie is loosely based on the story of Theseus, but very loosely.
So we start in the lands of the Amazons where there is some kind of contest going on. They compete in Javelin throwing, mountain climbing, obstacle track, horseriding, archery and finally wrestling. In the end there are two Amazons left competing, our protagonist Antiope and a muscular bitch named Orathea. And the one who wins will become the next Amazon Queen. So the stakes are high, and the last competition is barebrested, well oiled wrestling, complete with a sexy oiling scene. Hell Yeah! Antiope of course wins, and apparently it means she will be queen for 4 years until the next competition.
As Queen, Antiope decide the Amazons have to return to the Good Old Days, when the Amazons were strong and feared by the Nations of Men. But there is a ritual coming, a ritual when the Amazons meet up with men to breed. And preparations need to be made, one must first meditate on how horrible and repulsive men are. Antiope also decide to get rid of the special privilegies of the army, now they will have to live in tents, and always be prepared and have no servants!! Of course Orathea and the soldiers are pissed. The cuts in this movie are not always that well made, they sometime come abtruptly and destroy the flow, at some points even in the middle of a dialogue.
Meanwhile the King of the Greeks have joined up with his army who are going to the Amazon border on breeding duty, because he is curious about the Amazons. However his General advices him to attack the Amazons instead and take their copper mines, the king reject the idea even though Greece is in desperate need of copper. The King also decide to pretend to be a normal Military Officer for the Coupling ceremony. Orathea meanwhile try to fuck with the queen by spiking her wine with an aphrodiciac, however the queen's handmaiden end up drinking the wine, so the plan is foiled. It's of course the King who comes to Antiope's tent, and of course he seduces her, which means what was called a "simple business transaction" now became much more pleasant. Antiope however decide to bail on the third agreed night, and lead her Amazons away, but they are attacked by Scythians. Greek scouts have also detected the Scythians though, so the Greeks come to their help. Even though the King and his men saved the Amazons' lives, the Amazons are pissed because the Greeks violated their borders. Antiope then decided to do a ceremony to get a vision from the Goddess Artemis on whether to go to war with the Scythians or not. Orathea have manipulated her to suspect the Greeks and Scythians might ally. Antiope thus declare only minutes into the ceremony that she has a vision that they need to go to war with the Scythians. However usually it takes at least an hour to get into trance, so the Priestesses are not happy at all and calls it scandalous. It also turn out Antiope is very much pregnant. And with most of the army gone to fight the Scythians, the King uses the lax security to sneak into the Amazon City and have another passionate night with the Queen.
It turns out the King is married to a Cretean Princess (she has an accent though, which is funny since no one else has, and I thought Cretans were closely related to both Greeks and Amazons), and he send his wife as a spy pretending to be an Emissary for the Oppressed Women of Crete. She reports back the position of the Amazon Copper Mines. Antiope finds out about this (through sneaking to the king's tent. How she was able to sneak there undetected, why she did it and how she knew where the Greek camp site was is never explained). Antiope is naturally not pleased and swear to her attendants back in Amazon land that she will kill all the Greeks and burn their capital Athens, and kill their women and children. Then she goes to labor. Unfortunately it's a boy, and it means he will have to die in a brutal ceremony with all the other boys born as a result of the coupling. Antiope is heartbroken, and start to question the Amazon ways.
Then Orathea returns and brag about how they crushed the Scythians, enslaved Scythian women to work on the Amazon farms, so the soldiers wouldn't have to and how they mutilated the Scythians children. Antiope is shocked by the brutality and orders a change in how Amazon warfare works. Orathea and her officers are furious. They draw straws on who will kill the Queen, and Orathea draws the shortest straw. She sneak into the queen's chamber, but the queen feels someone's presence and is alarmed. This somehow all end up in NAKED FISTFIGHT, and even better, somehow the brutal naked battle between these Tigresses end with LESBIAN SÈX! Hooray! This is the best part of the movie and the sexiest. I have no idea why this happened. But it's AWESOME! Plotwise it makes no sense though. Antiope and the Amazons meet up with the Greeks for the couplings again, but this time Antiope and Orathea has plotted a mass slaughter, where the Amazons would slaughter the Greek soldiers. However the King seduces Antiope again, and tell her that her son is alive and well, and that he and the other boys were somehow saved. How? Did they bribe the Amazon priestesses or something. This all happened off screen and it's not explained. Anyway Antiope want to see her son and runs away with the King. Orathea and the Amazons think she has been kidnapped and ride out to chase the Greeks. This of course lead to the final battle scenes between Greeks and Amazons.
The battle scenes are not that bad for a low budget movie. I also like that the Greeks used chariots, they should have more Chariot Warfare in movies. The ending is a little bit too cheesy, and doesn't reflect the situation very well. I like parts of it, but others feel like the characters should take the gravity of their situation more seriously. And Antope's character behaves very out of character at the end. But it's all forgiven by the text suddenly appearing on the screen. A simple line that makes it all better. It's genious really, that line makes the rather dumb things in this movie instantly forgiven. The stupid text in the beginning is forgiven too, thanks to this line. It just makes it all better.
Seriously, I kind of liked the movie. It had BOOBS,and plenty of it. The acting was okay, and the dub worked fine. Storywise some things don't work very well, especially towards the end. Also, there were subplots that didn't really reached a conclusion or had very unsatisfactory conclusions. But all in all, this movie is okay. Can be worth a watch, perhaps with a cold beer.
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