Worst Decision Ever

Ben Affleck as Batman? Fuck You!! So the Dark Knight will be played by a man without even an ounce of talent. Not that Christian Bale was that good. He had no idea what acting was. But Ben Affleck?? Hell No!!

B- Movie Review: Stormquest (1987)

This is an obscure movie, very hard to find. There are not much about it at all on the Internets. There is a reason for that. It's not a very good movie.

The movie actually begin with a scream. Is this good or bad? Then there are disjointed pictures to a sweet 80s tune? Is this good or bad? I'm so confused. I don't understand.

Well, after the confusing opening we start in the female dominated Kingdom of Kimbia where some guards are sent to the dungeon to fetch three prisoners. Wait a minute, Kingdom of Kimbia, and female dominated? Doesn't make any sense at all. Shouldn't it be a Queendom, not a Kingdom? Anyway, three women stand on trial, a guard who has stolen some gold from the treasury, a warrior woman who's accused of having a male lover and a priestess who's accused of setting their god free (the god is a lioness). Now you may wonder, if it is forbidden to have male lover how do they procreate? Well, they explain this. They mate with males from elsewhere during ceremonies, and they send their male offspring back to their fathers. I guess it makes some sense, as much sense as a one gendered society can make. And there's some sexy whipping of the female criminals. If I were a judge I would always order 20 lashes to all sex female prisoners.

Meanwhile in some other King/Queendom, whatever, a bunch of shirtless duded liberate loads of male prisoners. This country is apparently ruled by the Stormqueen. Meanwhile the three prisoners as well as the Warrior girl's male lover are to be executed by being thrown down a waterfall. However the Shirtless dudes intervene and there is a battle. The Warrior girl's lover dies but the three prisoners and the Warrior girl's sister all join with the Shirtless dudes, who apparently are rebels rebelling against the Stormqueen. We  also get to meet the Stormqueen who's a fat transvestite whose main hobby is to torture her male slaves. She also has a charming menagerie full of poisonous snakes and tarantulas.

We learn that the Storm Queen drug the food given to the male slaves in her kingdom, so drones (workers) can't think at all, while studa (slaves for mating) only think of themselves. The Stormqueen also enjoys the sport of death hunts, where male prisoners have to escape from mad, hungry male slaves who are trained to kill. All in all he/ she is a charming character. Meanwhile the mother of the two sisters is arrested home in Kimbia, and the guard prisoner betrays the others.

The battles in this movie a confusing, chaotic and badly lit. You don't see what's happening in them, which is really bad. The movie feels boring and dragging. Scenes drag on much longer than they should. This movie could have been, and should have been 30 minutes shorter. Now it's almost 2 hours long, and doesn't have 2 hours of content. I like the scene where the rebel leader is caught by the Stormqueen and taken to his/her harem. He just laugh at her straight in the face. And she gets furious. Prizeless. The whole climax is apparently the revelation that the Storm Queen is actually a dude. I call bullshit, everyone knew that. Why would anyone buy that it's a woman in the first place? Also there is crocodile wrestling, that looks fake, because they shoot it again so you don't see what's going on, probably because their crocodile would look more fake than the Storm Queen's gender. Also the ending has more drag than the Storm Queen herself. Okay, I stop the bad puns now. The acting wasn't good, but I hadn't expected better. Unfortunately no brilliant bad acting moments, just quite boring stuff.

I can't recommend this one. It's just not that good.

Waiting for Europa Universalis IV

Have pre-ordered....
Will be released today....
Can't wait.....
What nation to try first?