B-Movie Review: Aztec Rex (Tyrannosaurus Azteca 2007)

So, this is a 2007 TV- movie made by Rigel Entertainment for SyFy. That already guarantee wooden acting and bad CGI. So what's not to love? Well, the acting is unfortunately wooden, and not awesome overacting. That's a big minus. Wooden acting is boring, bad acting is supposed to be awesomely ridiculous, not boring. So the story is that a dude called Cortes is exploring the Mexican jungles with the entire Spanish army in the New World, which apparently only consist of 7 men, because the king is a cheap bastard. The main character is called Rios and is one of Cortes' men. The Aztecs summon a T-Rex by the power of Kali-Ma from Indiana Jones (yes they rip of hearts from people, since dinosaurs apparently love human hearts). Then the best character (the horse is killed off screen). The story is simple Rios and Pocahontas (the Aztec chief's daughter) fall in love and then every storyline from Ferngully, Dancing with Wolves, Pocahontas and Avatar is repeated. The T-Rex is CGI is really bad, but I've seen worse. That it's a fake is unfortunately very obvious though. There are some great moments, like the Spaniards falling for the oldest trick in the book, when their ambush turn out to be an Aztec trap. And then there are the interesting lesson that teaches us that the best sex is to be had when hunted by a T-Rex. Congratulations to Rios and Pocahontas for being horny while in grave danger. The Aztec Empire is also just a small village in the jungle. But if the Spanish invasion force consist of 7 men, I am not that surprised. There's also that fat corrupt priest, who learned the natives to speak English (played by Jack McGee). He claims to be the one who invented Sangria, but I have a hard time believing him.

This movie is just meh. It's not terribly bad, and that might be the problem with it. It's not good, but it's not bad either. If it was really bad you could probably get some satisfaction out from it, but a movie this mediocre can't be anything else than forgettable meh. And the story has been told too many times already.

However a Hollywood adaptation of the Spanish invasion of Mexico with big scenes and high quality special effects would be welcome in my opinion. It's a fascinating time in history and to see Cortes and Montezuma battle it out on the big screen could be awesome. That's really all I have to say about this film. I was drawn to title, and hoped to get some cheap laughs out of it, but it just wasn't bad enough. They should have made it worse.