We start the story with Captain Grumpy escaping the toll inspectors in some undeveloped country. It has to be undeveloped because the toll inspectors are black. And all know that White People don't have to follow Black People laws, especially not British White People. That's because of democracy. Hooraay!
There are also some passengers on the ship, including a Doctor, his blonde daughter (from now on referred to as Blondie), an Eccentric Rich Man who likes to play the piano and a mysterious Adventurous Woman. Blondie seem to have a thing going on with the ship's Radioman. The reason Captain Grumpy didn't wanted to deal with Toll Inspectors is because his ship is carrying explosives. Also there's a hurricane coming. Explosives and hurricane sounds like a bad thing. After an accident where the anchor tear up a hole in the ship, most of the crew agrees and abandon ship. The Radioman was among the mutineers but he's shot by Captain Grumpy and remain aboard, but is wounded. Soon Captain Grumpy comes to the realization that hole + hurricane+ explosives = fucking disaster, he too orders to abandon ship, which makes the thing with him trying to stop the crew from fleeing pointless. Anyway the Captain, the Passengers and the remaining crew flees on a lifeboat.
The Doctor is then eaten by a shark, despite Eccentric Rich Man's attempt to save him, of course Eccentric Man was the one throwing him overboard in the first place. The wounded Radio Man also got mad and jumped off the lifeboat, only to be eaten by MANEATING SEAWEED!!! They then find a stranded steamer with a crew of one (a crazy bartender), and they try to leave with this new ship. Blondie seems to take her father's and boyfriend's death very lightly and starts to behave like a whore and flirt with everyone. GIANT TENTACLE MONSTER! Are they in Japan? They find land, but are immediately attacked by a group of men, they fight them off and also saves a Big Boobed Girl. The attackers are descendants of Spanish Colonists, and are ruled by a Inquisitor and a spoiled brat for a king. They also live on a Galleon. The Big Boobed Girl is not a Spaniard, but a decendant of another group of Colonists. She start to miss her people and leave, while Eccentric Rich Man lead a searching party to find her. They run into Giant Crab vs. Giant Scorpion Fight! I love Giant Monster fights!
The actors are quite good, but there is a problem. None of the characters are really likeable. We have here a well thought out story, good acting, but all in all none you can sympathize with. The most likeable character is probably the Mysterious Adventurous Woman, but only after you get to know her back story, For the most of the movie you just hate her. The Captain is an idiot, whose fault this whole mess was, the Eccentric Rich Man only comes out as a drunk idiot, whose backstory we never learn (we needed that to consider him a good guy) and Blondie is just a slut who don't care that she lost her dad and her boytoy. They are indeed characters that are deep and flawed, and that's good in a way, but we need someone to actually like too. If we don't like anyone of them, we won't care about them. And that's what this movie is lacking. The ending is quite Bad Ass though. Another problem is that they come to the mysterious Island quite late in the movie, and that part that should be most important felt a bit rushed. Instead they should have rushed the mutiny and the abandonment of the boat in the beginning, that felt dragged out, so they could focus more on monsters, Spaniards and other more interesting stuff.
Still, this movie deserves a watch. It's flawed, but it has good acting and monsters. And those are good things.
Edit: A Continent and an Island are NOT THE SAME THING! The title LIES.
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