But what is this? Weird disjointed pictures? And where's the opening music? My head hurts. Ah, there's the music. Finally. And the nuclear explosions are kind of cool. But too much red. My head still hurt.
Ah, Conrad Nicholls in RAGE (this is only awesome when RAGE is capitalized. Otherwise it doesn't work. I'd know. I have lived through the 90's).
We start with a group of soldiers investigating a ruined town. Unfortunately for them there are hidden mutants who're less than friendly in the town. But they're not the largest obstacle. There's a man, the man they came to catch, who single handedly kill many of the soldiers before being caught. I bet his name is RAGE (it is). On their way back to the HQ though, the soldier convoy is attacked by Jumping Raiders, and they sure like to jump. After beating the Jumping Raiders they have to cross a radioactive zone, and whie they indeed have gas masks and "protective suits", it won't work if your suits only are over sized rain coats. That's probably why one of the soldiers died in the zone, not sufficient protection.
At the HQ we find out RAGE was brought in to lead a expedition to a base everyone thought had been destroyed, but recently a distress call was picked up originating from there. And that base still has uranium, which they are lacking, because apparently they need uranium to survive. I don't really understand why. Isn't uranium dangerous to them? Isn't it the reason Postapocalyptica is in such a mess in the first place? Anyway the team consist of RAGE, Commander Dude, Female Soldier and Fat Electronics Dude. Their first stop is bar near Mos Eisley, controlled by a gang lead by a former member of RAGE's squad named Slash. And Slash is the only one who has maps of the forbidden zones where the base is located.
Slash understand they're after uranium and demand a piece. He also demand that he'll be allowed to accompany them, to make sure he get his share. Then the obligatory barfight happens because Slash's men become a little bit too rapey against Female Soldier. After having beaten the men up, RAGE and his crew decide they rather not take Slash with them so they sneak up and steal the maps during the night, and leave for the Forbidden Zones. That all actually went better than one could expect.
Their quest for the hidden base involves cavemen and gay Cowboys, and while they're going further into unknown lands, Slash and his men are in pursuit. Slash want them to find the uranium for him, so he can steal it from them when all work is done. I like Slash, he has a great villain laugh, and when someone disturb it with a less awesome laugh, he punch that person in the face. He also has two young stunning girlfriends with guns, what a lucky bastard.
So at one place there is that book that looks wonky and is friggin large. It says Bible on it, and they claim it's the Bible, but I have never seen a Bible like that, I bet it's fake. And they abandon a lot of books on engineering for a Bible, that's probably fake anyways. Get your priorities straight, Goddammit!
Fat Electronics Dude is my favorite character in this movie, he has a great completely manic laugh, and at one point he hold off Slash's crew alone. The fight scenes at the end are okay. Like a poor man's Mad Max chase scene, and we knew it was coming. But there were some cool things.
The acting in this movie is terrible, and not really that amusing. It doesn't get terribly boring though, which is good. It's not worth a rewatch, I think this movie would only work once. On a second watch it would probably all be quite dull. The best things are some moments though, and by that I mean every moment Slash or Fat Electronics Dude are on the screen. Those were great.
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