Sunday, December 8, 2013

B-Movie Review: Shatter (1974)

It's Hammer Time! And it's Kung Fu Assassin Secret Agent thingy Time!! Hooray!!

So we start the movie with the President of Africa going to a fancy hotel. I call bullshit on this. Africans are poor people, not even their President would afford a fancy room. Anyway, the President of Africa is about to get it on with his rich blonde girlfriend when some dude with a CAMERA GUN shoot him. CAMERA GUN. Great! I have no idea why he didn't just use a normal gun, but I already like it.

Next stop Hong Kong, we meet Shatter, the man who assassinated the President of Africa who is the main hero of this movie. He's played by Stuart Whitman. His acting is hillarious. He overact everything. It's great. We also soon realize that since the movie is set in Hong Kong most of the other roles will be played by Chinese people. This mean this movie is RACIST!!!

Unfortunately we are also introduced to the opening music. It's terrible. Please kill me now. It's like someone is actually shattering glass. Please just stop! Anyway it's followed by that music that's in every secret agent or police movie from the 70s. Thank You. So Shatter sits in a taxi, someone tries to shoot him from the next car, they misses and shoot straight through the car (the windows are shattered, OMFG SYMBOLISM!!!!!) But the best thing is that it hit some dude in the arm on the other side of the car, and that dude is just, "whatever, I was shot in the arm, happens every day". Awesome.

So Shatter goes to meet Le Snob, the man who hired him to shoot the President of Africa. Ooh, that's why he used a CAMERA GUN, so he could have photographic proof that he is the killer. Smart. Though he could of course just have used a normal gun and a normal camera. And of course Le Snob betrays him and refuse to pay him a dime. Typical.

So Shatter next meet up with his CIA contact that confirms he's alone, since the Agency doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. He's then taken by some Kung Fu dudes who uses him as a punching bag for a while until we meet Peter Cushing!!! Cushing, Cushing, Cushing, Cushing!! Yaaayy! Anyway Cushing plays a member of the Hong Kong Security Force named Ratwood (very original there, movie). And Cushing is like: "Leave Hong Kong before tomorrow or you're dead and shit". Anyway, a dude help Shatter into a bar/ massage parlor, where he meet a masseuse named Mei Lin who of course are our female protagonist. She gives him a massage, he feels better and goes to his hotel. Earlier in the movie he did a room switcheroo with another guy. And now that pays of because well, it'd suck to be that other guy. So, now Shatter knows he's a marked man and he retun to the bar/ massage parlor. He ask the bartender who's the guy who helped him before to hide him and offer him $100. So he is hidden in a nice appartment in the slums. He also meet Mei Lin again. It's revealed the bartender is actually a Kung Fu master. So he teams up with the Kung Fu guy, get the girl etc. There's a good scene when he dreams about the people he has killed and all the people who were hurt or were killed because of him, and is very haunted by this dream when he wakes up. It looks for a moment he regret what he has done, but only for a moment. I'm glad they included it, it gave Shatter some more character.

Anyway, Shatter and his Kung Fu partner kill Le Snob, the brother of the President of Africa and some bad Kung Fu dudes, who all belonged to a Evil Crime Syndicate. They meet Cushing again who of course is corrupt (his name is Ratwood in this movie, it's impossible for him to not be corrupt with such a name). And the girl is killed, which usually happen in these kind of movies. All in all a solid cheap film. Not the best quality but did the job. A cheesy male lead whose acting is hillariously bad, some nice Kung Fu and Cushing. You can't really ask for more.

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