Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Munrovember-cember Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)

Yes, indeed we are going backwards in time for the last part of the Caroline Munro theme. We are going to a time when she didn't played the female lead role yet, but was in the same movie as both Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee. It's Hammer Time and it's Dracula A.D. 1972!!







The atmosphere from the start is good with omnious music. You know shit is going to get real and Lee and Cushing will duke it out! And it opens with them fighting. Hooray! The first thing you see is Lee and Cushing trying to strangle each other!  That's how you start a movie! And they are fighting on top of a moving cart. Fuck Yeah!! And Dracula get wheeled! Let's just say it's a different take on the whole wooden stick through heart thingy. So, wait, both Lee and Cushing dies in the first 5 minutes, nooooo! Fuck You movie, you don't kill of both Lee and Cushing in the first act! And what's this? Some asshole just stroll in and steal Dracula's ring and ashes. Let dead Christopher Lees rest in peace damn it. Disturbing a dead Chris Lee is never a good idea.

Anyway we leave Oldy Old Times behind and we end up in the 1972 version of London, which is exactly like Real London, except it is in 1972 instead of the Real World. You silly early 70's, the new decade has started and is forming itself, but it hasn't really shook off all of the 60s yet. So we start at a party with young people having fun and old people being angry. Because young people having fun is the worst thing that could ever happen. No crime is worse. We get to learn it's actually the shithead who stole Chris Lee's ashes and his friends who has crashed some party, and they narrowly escape before the police turn up. The shithead and his young crew are all a bunch of assholes with no redeeming qualities. One big problem with modern horror is this formula. Why would you care if a bunch of mean spirited idiots are killed? But of course it fits the setting here, since back in the 70s, everyone was an asshole. They are all also very dumb. Dumb assholes for main characters, oh joy. When the Shithead suggest summoning the devil they are all for it. How fucking moronic can you be? When has ever Summoning the FUCKING DEVIL been a good idea?

Munro plays a girl in the group who is the most supportive of the Shithead, because she has a thing for him. That's really her character. Nothing special really. The main girl is called Jess (played by Stephanie Beacham of Sea Quest fame) and is one of Munro's and the Shithead's friends. Her grandfather is rumored to be an expert on demonology and it turns out it is PETER CUSHING!! But aren't you dead man? Must have been another Cushing who was killed off in the Oldy Old Days. Man this is confusing, and awesome. Multiple Cushings!! So Jess is starting to have second thoughts, just maybe summoning THE DEVIL is not a good idea.

So, we find out that the Shithead's name is Johnny Alucard. Oh I see where this is going, I have played Castlevania. So they start the ceremony to summon the Old Horny One, and it's a fucking seance. Lamest summoning of the Devil ever! And why the Hell is the Shithead orgasming during his chants? Okay, so they need a sacrifice (finally, this is how you summon evil demons), and Jess decline the invitation, but of course Munro accept it, and yes, the Shithead summon Dracula back to life and Munro become his first victim. They killed her off early, too early for my taste, but hey, this is before she become a lead actress.

So yes, the rest of this movie become quite awesome with Cushing having to stop Lee from making his granddaughter his new bride. The Shithead becomes a vampire (wait, how has he lived this long without being one). There is also some police officers, but I don't give a shit about them, since they never do anything important. But the Shithead's involuntary suicide was fucking hilarious. Unfortunately Lee and Cushing don't meet up before the end, but you get a battle between the Titans of Hammer in the end. But the ending is too damn short, we need more Lee vs. Cushing battles. A short one is just anti- climatic.

So this is the end of Munrovember- cember. But man, even if Munro didn't have much screentime it was worth it. And the scene where Lee kill her is sexy as shit. This came out wrong, but damn she's beautiful even in death. And we got Cushing and Lee. That means awesome.


No comments:

Post a Comment