Special Review: One Million AC-DC (1969)

Yes, my dear readers. It's indeed time to review a softcore porno from the late 60s. And it has cavemen and cavegirls (of course), and indeed the cavegirls have a slight inclination towards lesbianism (as all cavegirls do). It begin very promising with a lot of lava for some reason and  the title in a completely unreadable font. The story is about a day in the life of the cavemen, who all live in a cave. First a young virgin girl will be sacrificed, which means she will warm up with some sweet lesbian love, then be penetrated by ginormous prehistoric dildo, and after that only the strongest man in the cave will have the honour of plugging the newly opened hole. Of course this is followed with some lesbian cleansing rituals.

But hot babes during these dangerous times must be careful that they're not kidnapped by a dude in a monkey costume. Also plastic toy dinosaurs might attack the cave and force everyone to hide deep within it (still, getting out of the cave and past the plastic dinosaur doesn't seem that difficult at all, on the contrary, several people seem to manage it). Already at this early stages of the evolution of man there was several ways to have sex, but indeed the most popular way was doing it, tyrannosaurus style (hahaha). Wait. that mammoth look decent, how on Earth have they a decent mammoth, but the worst dinosaur effects ever? Ah, the mammoth is stock footage, while they did the dinosaur themselves, now I understand.

Of course a day wouldn't be perfect in prehistory if it didn't end with an orgy. Everyone knows cavemen love orgies, and during orgies catfights might break out, and what's more sexier than that? But stupid lizard fighting stock footage, don't interrupt my catfight, boo! Oh, I don't mind that the fist fight between the two cavemen is the worst fidt fight I have ever seen. It's still awesome, because it's that terrible. The catfight was better. But wait, they are fighting outside, wasn't there a plastic dinosaur waiting to eat them? How?? Anyways, now it's time to invent the bow and arrows and finally kill that dino. Hoorray!

This movie had the unfortunate tendency to get boring at times. The characters were bland and you sometimes couldn't see any difference between them. I just didn't care who fucked who. But at least there seem to have been some chemistry between main guy and main girl, because their scene with the grapes was actually not that bad (most sex scenes in this are bad). Anyways, if you want to see a late 60s porno with cavemen, One Million AC-DC is the movie to check out.