Victoria 2: A House Divided

It's once again time to discuss a Paradox Interactive game. And what better place and time is there to discuss Victoria 2 than now when the expansion A House Divided has finally been released!

Victoria 2 let you play a nation through the Victorian age and the early 1900s. The game take you from 1836 to 1936 and every nation on the map is playable. You can have a lot of fun uniting Germany as Prussia, expanding your borders south and west as the US, modernizing as Japan or keeping the darn gringos out as Mexico. The goal is always to finish as a Great Power, i.e. in the top 8. You have to always take care of your finances, make sure you're industrializing, and getting the goods you need to supply your armies. You also need to invest in education to make your people literate so your research goes faster. And never forget to enact both political and social reforms to appease the middle and working classes. Sure, Liberals and Socialists with all their demands of a fair and equal society can be annoying, everyone knows democracy is for pussies, but these pacifist Liberals and Socialists can radicalize and become Anarcho- Liberals and Communists, organize rebel militias and launch a revolution if you're not careful enough. And you should also remember to colonize Africa and conquer rich parts of Asia for all the great resources there. Imperialist FTW!!

Yes, Victoria 2 is a complex game and it take time to master it. But it is fun! Building your nation and guiding it through the 1800s is just so much fun. And then you always think: It could have gone even better if I had done differently. In my opinion Victoria II is one of Paradox Interactive's best games. So what does A House Divided add? It add popular movements that you can suppress, or let grow if you want to pass certain reforms quicker. These movements could be movements for expanding the voting franchise, to better the school system, to free the poor Croats from Austro- Hungarian rule. They can also radicalize and organize rebellions. So it's an interesting addition indeed. Another addition is a whole new westernization track for uncivilized nations. Uncivs no have their own reforms they need to enact to become modernized and able to compete with the Western Nations. We also now have rally points for armies, which is useful. And we can now manufacture casus bellis (reasons for war) which would give us a free war without precaution if we can manufacture them undetected. I have always been detected though, and forced to take the infamy hit anyways (if you're infamous enough all other nations will attack you, like in all other Paradox games, a bad boy never have it easy). There are also changes made to Russia (they industrialize slower now due to the "serf question") and Chine (China now has sub states, so they can't be sphered at once, and getting China in your sphere was always made you over powered, now you have to get all the sub states in your sphere too).

I'd say the changes in AHD makes it an expansion worth buying. I hope there will be more expansions in the future. AHD can be bought and downloaded from Steam, Gamer's Gate or PC Gamestore or any other Internet gaming shop really. You need the original Victoria 2 to play it. The only negative thing about the game is that there are still no focus on Africa. Africa looks too empty and most of the African kingdoms that existed and were conquered during the 1800s are not in and just represented as empty provinces you can colonize. Also, AHD added an 1861 scenario for the historical American Civil War, but there's no Taiping rebellion in sight!! Come on, in 1861 the rebellion was still in full swing. I hope the Taiping rebellion will be added in a patch. It was after all one of the most bloodiest wars in Chinese and World history.

B- Movie Review: Tarkan vs. the Vikings 1971

This time I review a Turkish movie from the 70s, because why not. Not that I have ever been in Turkey, can speak a word Turkish or even know shit about Turkish culture. That doesn't mean I can't make fun of it. Ha!

Tarkan vs. the Vikings begin when we see a ship full of BDSM Vikings that are into whipping naked men. The Vikings travel in longboats made by IKEA, and they look more like Asterix characters than vikings. There are so many colors involved that I swear their clothes and their weapons are made of candy. So the vikings lead by Toro, who's probably a Spanish Viking or something, attack the castle of the Hunns. In the castle there are also the princess and her boyfriend the one-man-army Tarkan, and his two dogs. Tarkan is a hero because he HAS AN AWESOME MUSTACHE!!  Mustache can really tell you the character of a man. REAL MEN HAS AWESOME MUSTACHES! Anyway, the vikings attack and not even Tarkan can stop them from killing one of his dogs (although it was clear that the dog was still alive, so it didn't really convince me at all. Bad acting dog!!) and kidnap his princess girlfriend. And indeed, real vikings hit small children in the head with a plastic axe!!

However the plot gets complicated when it's revealed that the vikings work together with a beautiful femme fatale Chinese ambassador (who doesn't reaaly look Chinese, but whatever), who has her own agenda. Then there's also a giant octopus monster (that look quite ridiculous, but hey it's a Turkish film from the 70s) and a beautiful viking warrior princess who command her own ship of viking bitches. The villain, Toro has a great villain laugh and we get treated to such nice things as drunken viking rape parties. Tarkan is of course a lucky bastard and get to cheat on his girlfriend both with the Chinese agent and with the viking princess, and she doesn't even really care. That's how a true girlfriend should behave. One thing is stupid though, when they torture some women prisoners to find out which of them is the princess, she finally reveal herself because she couldn't stand the torture of her kinswomen any longer. Then they asked for proof that she was who she claimed to be, and she showed them her ring that had the royal symbol. Couldn't they have checked her ring in the first place? Stupid vikings!

The battles are nice, but it's a pity there are no blood in them. Turkey, I am disappointed!!

All in all, it was a fun mindless action movie, and I wonder if there are more Tarkan movies or similar. This movie was silly, but fun, and I recommend you all watching it if you're into silly foreign language movies (yes, they speak Turkish, learn to read subtitles bitches). If I can find more Tarkan movies or other similar ones I will probably review them at some point in the future.